I’m supposed to be preparing for a little holiday with my husband and a dear friend, but instead, I’m in front of my computer with a lukewarm cup of instant coffee to my left, and a soggy piece of kitchen towel to my right. See, I was scrolling through pictures on my phone, deleting the old to give space to the new, and two photos of highlighted book pages caught my eye.
I do it all the time, see. I highlight passages from books I read then thinking I’d want to share them to the world, I’ll take a photo of them, and realise afterwards I don’t want it on social media after all. Anyway, this obvs must have really caught my attention at the time. Then it hit me, because it was LITERALLY true.
Jesus’ grief at Lazarus’ death was so real it warranted a mention in the scriptures. Those two precious words spoke volumes of Christ’s humanity- Jesus wept (Jn.11:35). He must have felt a loss so great that tears were a necessity. I could but wonder what thoughts went on in his mind when he saw the place where they laid his friend’s body. One day, I’ll ask him in heaven if, despite his omniscience, he ever asked the Father why?
This last year has been filled with declarations of ‘one day…’. One day maybe the pain won’t be as bad. One day maybe I will stop crying. One day maybe I can confidently say, it all happened for a reason. One day, maybe I can tell Bethany’s story without tears. One day maybe I will be able to visit her grave without crying. One day, maybe.
But see, we already have accomplished so much since. Could I have foreseen all of this a year ago? No. But there was so little evidence of us ever having a better life back in April, 2019. All we knew was that we’re going to start a new normal, but how that looks like, we had no idea. All we had was a shaky faith that God will see us through, as He had done so in our past experiences. True to His word, that shaky faith has grown stronger, and each day brings us closer to healing and Resurrection Day.
Today, we are living yesterday’s tomorrow. We made it this far with much tears, but I have come to realise that for each drop of tear I shed, God has given me with a bucket full of joy. I still have much to thank God for, and so I hold on tightly, trusting he will see us through another tomorrow.
(This was meant to have been published late January, before a trip to Northumbria, but because I procrastinated, it has come out late.)